The only reason that allowed me to believe that the world is still beautiful has fallen apart
How can anything so perfect be lost...
Nothing good lasts

Read a book that says belief allows one to be more secure, because only then there will be an answer to every question
Maybe that's why I've always been so persistent with that belief, now idk anymore

I feel so helpless

The true love that lies in between the peace and dullness;



But what would I choose?

Let's become an unforgettable song of the sky
So that even when we close our eyes and reminisce
We will not be exhausted anymore;









I love you Jae <3
And I'll always be your star

There are so many undone things, so many unfinished plans, so many unfulfilled wishes.

The watermelon made for me
The dried rose petals I've prepared
The parabola information for me
The window lock information
Showing you my hideous white shoes
Me in Bannister...

And so many more....


But they are gonna stay the way it is, all thanks to me.
But truthfully, I'm more scared of this 22 days period than anyone else.

Although I knew it was a correct decision, it still hurts.
Hurts that I have to hurt someone so dear to me and hurts that I might be the one causing tears to the one best to me.

But then it seemed necessary, at this point in time when we should start to take a clear look both inside ourselves and at our surroundings, on the things wea re missing out on. 

Its time we search deeper into ourselves and understand what we are really experiencing and what we want.

Some might say that its easier to just stay in the relationship and see where its headed to eventually, but honestly will that bring us in the right direction and is that what we really want? And how long will that actually take, for the pathway to realisation to lighten up?

I'm so confused right now.

And it still hurts so much, to follow this decision, for having to hurt you.
I'm sorry darling.
Please give me some time.

Kept forcing myself to review the situation and come up with a conclusion
But at the end of the day, I'm just revolving around the same old question which has no solution to it






So what am I supposed to do?

Ahhh I swear I must get one of these gorgeous Chanel wallets when I work next year.
So so mesmerized now;

Its been such a long time since I felt this empty. All the trust and faith I have slowly built up for you came crushing down so fast I don't know what to think about this anymore. And what do I do next? Forgiving and forgetting seem like such an easy thing to do now, but why is it that something inside me is holding me back from doing so?

Fear of the uncertainty. Such an awful thing to experience.
It was a simple mistake committed by you, one where people will tell me forget about it its such a small thing and that I was being too petty. But why is it that I feel so much from within? Feeling so strong that it could bring back the emptiness I experienced 2 years back. Feeling so strong that once again I am lost and left wandering hopelessly.


This time, I have nowhere to hide in. No wonderful fandom of Dong Bang where I can hide and stop feeling any of my emotions. No more Dong Bang world where I can numb myself from what I am going through.

I was like a lost sheep today, desperate to find any sorts of distraction.


Big thanks to Seeyi who made me smile again (:

HELLO READERS OF MY LJ, HAHAHA
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SO ADD ME AS A FRIEND IF YOU ARE STILL INTERESTED TO READ IT
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BYE GENERAL PUBLIC

1. Two days ago, i found the most idiot way of losing my handphone, that is, i lost it in my bedroom. I spent the afternoon flipping through my bed and the messy floor and any possible box it might have dropped in but poof, its nowhere found. At last, it was recovered at 0008h in the midnight, wrapped between my skinnies that i have been flipping through but not paid much attention to.

2. Some days ago, this big tall hovering uncle holding a BIG bag was squeezing pass me to get off the bus. That was when his bag caught my earpiece and it was stuck to it, of course he didn't know and continued moving down. It was stuck so badly my whole earpiece was yanked away from both my ipod and my ears. And with much effort i finally pulled it back. He had the guts to turn around and glare at me like i was pulling him back. For nuts sake, i have no interest in him, only the earpiece that was hooked on to him desperately. So by the time i inserted the earpiece back to the ipod,back in my ears, unlocked the ipod, pressed play, did i realise one side of the earpiece isn't working !@#$%^&* its fcking new! And i couldn't go back (and unleash my ahlian-ness from what danica says) and demand a compensation, so i only had myself to blame. The following day i went library with Danica, and asked to borrow her earpiece. The worst news, it wasnt my earpiece that's spoilt, it was THE IPOD. So uncle that stays one bus-stop away from me holding that mega big bag and is super tall and kiasu, YOU OWE ME BIG. Therefore right now, my ipod is declared spoilt. The funny thing was i went online to research on any ipod repair place, all they fix are batteries and screen and blah blah, anywhere but earpiece area. It makes sense though, who the hell will spoil that area?! THE UNCLE WITH THE MEGA BIG BAG.

3. I have been dreaming almost everynight since last monday, dreams involving decapitated dolls, rapist, kidnappers, and also the horrible dream of me and my cousin and the wedding and date and oh yeah, the dream that combones harry potter and vampires and werewolves all together. All the dreams were really traumatising and nerve wrecking, im glad i don't have excellent memories and cannot remember  much of the dream, though some vivid images still stay in my brain. I wonder what this actually means.

4. I've been watching snsd! I must apologize for being prejudiced against them the other time cause everyone was dissing them. I must say they are all pretty decent and funny, and some are rather real, and even more courageous than i am. They are pretty, though plastic, i must say its a successful operation. I like all all of them except probably for a girl called Tiffany, she's really a bitch and dragging the whole group down, pretending to be all cute and really really really fake and bimbo. Hate the way that she actually boasts, okay im starting to sound like a primary school kid complaining about her friend. Nvm, now at least i have new entertainment!

5. I miss Mos fish burger plus each a cup peach milk tea less sweet with nata/jelly :( i want i want i want i want i want.